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11. Сценарий эпизод «Помойка» (Trash). Авторы: Бен Эдлунд (Ben Edlund) и Жозе Молина (Jose Molina)

Firefly - "Trash"

Written by: Ben Edlund & Jose Molina
Directed by: Vern Gillum

Episode #: 1AGE10: Story #: E01854

SHOOTING SCRIPT: November 27, 2002: BLUE REVISIONS: November 27, 2002



SLOW CAMERA PAN across a flat vista of shattered rock. Barren. Lunar. PAN ONTO a MAN seated a short distance away on the ground. His side is to us, and he is BUCK NAKED. It's MAL REYNOLDS. He lifts his head, nodding to himself as he takes in his surroundings.

MAL (flatly): Yep... That went well.




A LARGE CRATE slams down onto the ground, hard. The two smugglers who were hefting it straighten, turning to go. WIDEN to see that Mal stands close by, arms crossed.

A PILE OF SIMILAR CRATES lies in the dust around Mal. Other SMUGGLERS carry more crates, adding to the pile. (All smugglers sport holstered firearms) They are ferrying them from the lowered FREIGHT PLATFORM of a SPACESHIP, which looms overhead.

MONTY (O.S.): Malcolm Reynolds!

A VERY LARGE MAN steps off a ladder that goes up from the platform to the belly of the ship, beaming at Mal.

He's a big, gut-toting bear of a man. Not pretty. Not in the least. Think of a greasy Brad Garrett with bad teeth.

MONTY: Y'old son-of-a-- Com'ere!

MAL: Oh hey Monty --

He sweeps a mildly protesting Mal up into a bear-hug, lifting him off his feet for a beat.

MAL (cont'd) (wheezes): How--you--do--in'?

Monty releases him, one mitt still clapped on Mal's shoulder, shaking it with rough welcome.

MONTY: They didn't tell me you were picking: up this leg of the run.

MAL: Yeah, things were a little slow.: Figured to do a little honest: smuggling 'tween jobs.

MONTY: Where's that sorry-ass ship a' yours?

As they speak, Monty's ND CREW continues off-loading the crates, passing in and out of frame.

MAL: Monty, two boats like ours meeting on: an empty rock like this, it just: screams contraband to the Fed. Or: have you forgotten that time you got: pinched on Beylix?

MONTY (points to his own: temple, nodding): Always thinking, ain't ya. Smarts.: That's what you got. Smarts.

MAL (shrugs): OK. (looks closer at: Monty): Something's different.

MONTY (smiles proudly): Yup.

MAL: You look -- there's something -- (Monty strokes his: chin): --the beard! You shaved off the soup-: catcher!


MAL: I thought you were gonna take that: ugly chin-wig to the grave --

MONTY (chuckles): So did I. But she didn't much like: my whiskers...

MAL: She--?

MONTY (calls out): Bridgit! (to Mal): What the hell am I thinking, I got to: introduce you to the missus!

MAL: Monty! You've fallen from our noble: bachelor ranks?

MONTY: Wasn't looking to, but she kinda: swept me off my feet. Bridgit!

A woman hurries to them obscured by the smuggly bustle.

MAL: Well, she must be a rare specimen: indeed.

MONTY: That don't begin to cover it. Mal,: I want you to meet my Bridgit.

And she steps out from behind Monty, smiling -- until she recognizes Mal. A beat as he and SAFFRON look at each other.

Saffron sweeps a foot under a Smuggler's leg, tripping him forward, pulling his gun from its holster as he falls, and pirouetting over his body as he hits the dirt, coming out of the spin with the gun locked on Mal's head, just as Mal's gun is flashing from his holster, locked on hers -- a Woo-off. They are frozen, Monty right in the middle, nonplussed.

MONTY (cont'd): So... you guys have met.



Act One


Right where we left off. Mal and Saffron sidestep, guns trained, slowly circling, very intense. Monty stands nearby, brow knitted with confusion.

MONTY: Mal -- why you got a piece trained on: my wife?

MAL: She ain't your wife, Monty --

MONTY: Hunh? I married 'er, didn't I?

MAL: Yeah, so did --

Mal's cut off before he can finish, because in the instant Mal's eyes flick toward Monty, Saffron scissors up a high kick, knocks the gun out of Mal's hand. She has the drop on Mal for an instant, but doesn't fire. Mal lunges, sweeping her arm to the side, catching her wrist in his grip and squeezing hard. She drops his gun. Saffron throws her head forward, smashing into Mal's nose painfully.

MAL (cont'd): Gaaah!

MONTY: Bridget!

Mal staggers back, buffeted by a series of punches from Saffron. Mal fires one punch back, catching her on the chin and knocking her to the ground.

MONTY (cont'd): Mal!

She lands on her back, mostly unfazed, and instantly rolls for the gun a short distance away. Just as she almost reaches it, Mal sails in on top of her, tackling her flat.


She swings an elbow back, hits the side of Mal's head hard. He reels, she rolls on top of him, hands around his throat. He does the same, and now they're strangling each other. They do this for a vicious beat, until --

MONTY (O.S.) (roars): Gorramit! That's enough!

Monty's big hands drop into frame, lifting them both off the ground and pulling them apart. They're both breathless, Mal's got a BLOODY NOSE.

MONTY: Now what the hell is goin' on here? Whaddya mean she ain't my wife?

MAL: She ain't your wife... cause she's: married to me.

SAFFRON (also huffing): Don't listen to him!

MAL: It's true. Half-a-year back, out at: the Triumph Settlement. Didn't call: herself "Bridgit" then. It was: "Saffron." Hitched me by surprise,: got on my ship, and tried to steal it: out from under me... She's as cold as: ice and dead crazy on top of it.

SAFFRON: You're a liar, Malcolm Reynolds!

MONTY: Oh, he's a lot of things. But a liar: he ain't. All the terrible thick we: been through, he ain't never lied to: me, not even once. (pointed to Saffron): And I never got to telling you his: name.

Saffron drops all pretense -- the jig is up.

SAFFRON: Oh, hell. Fine. Be like that.

She pulls away from Monty and starts neatening herself up, brushing back her hair, wiping the dirt from her face.

MONTY (hurt): You said you loved me for me...

Mal looks at Monty, saying with tender frankness:

MAL: Believe me, Monty. She says that to: all the boys.

Off of Monty's crestfallen face we CUT TO:


MONTY'S SHIP as its engines FIRE UP, whipping a small cloud of dust around the tiny figures of Saffron and Mal. (Note: the design of this ship must be such that it can take off without its engines incinerating what is directly beneath it.)

SAFFRON stands with her arms crossed, looking up irritably, lit by the OS glare of the ship's lights. Mal is in the BG, with the crates. He dabs at his bloody nose with a white kerchief. Monty's voice echoes down over the SHIP'S LOUDSPEAKER, choked with hurt.

MONTY (OS): Damn you, Bridget! Damn you ta Hades! You broke my heart in a million : pieces! You made me love you, and: then y-- I SHAVED MY BEARD FOR YOU,: DEVIL WOMAN!

SAFFRON: Whatever.

After a beat, a DUFFEL BAG drops into the frame from above, SLAMMING into the ground. The OS ship pulls away with a burst of engine thrust, the light from it fading.

SAFFRON (cont'd): [BUN: tyen-shung duh ee-DWAY-RO.]

She moves to the duffel bag, crouches, unzips it, and roots around inside. The barrel of Mal's pistol enters frame, pressing against her temple.

MAL: You're goin' to wanna pull your claw: out of that bag, nice and slow.

SAFFRON: Relax. I'm not going for a gun or: anything.

She slowly pulls a small cylinder out of the bag, and shows it to him, cranking it. It's lipstick.

SAFFRON (cont'd): Just freshening up.

She's about to apply it when Mal snatches it and hucks it out into the OS desert.

MAL: You and lipstick is a dangerous: combination, as I recall. (gestures with gun): Now get up and turn around.

She does so, with some impatience. Mal moves in and frisks her, trying to be businesslike, but she responds in a way that crackles with sexual tension.

SAFFRON: Oh... Yeah... Just like old times.

MAL: We don't have any old times. I just: don't want you pullin' a pistol out: of... of anywhere...

She writhes into him a little as he finishes frisking her.

SAFFRON (super sexy): Mmmm. You missed a spot...

Mal gives her a rough shove and she stumbles forward a step.

MAL: Can't miss a place you never been.

She am freaky -- turns to him not with anger, but with practiced emotion -- playing to Mal as if they have a troubled, but real marriage.

SAFFRON: Marriage is hard work, Mal, I know: it... But that doesn't mean we have: to give up... (moves closer to him): Sure, we've had our spats. Maybe I: made some bad decisions along the way.

MAL: Oh, you're a tweaked one, you are.

SAFFRON (smiles): But face it, hubby, I'm really hot.

MAL: Uh huh. (waves gun at her): Start walkin'.

SAFFRON: Walking? Walking where?

MAL: Pick a direction. Just don't turn: around.

SAFFRON: Come on. Mal.

MAL: This is my scrap of nowhere. You go: on and find your own.

SAFFRON: You can't just leave me here, on this: lifeless piece of crap moon...

MAL: Sure I can.

SAFFRON: I'll die.

MAL: Well, as a courtesy, you might start: getting busy on that, cause all this: chatter ain't doin' me any kindness.

Saffron sits down on her duffel bag with a defiant pout. But she seems done with the full court press, more herself now.

SAFFRON: Why don't you just go ahead and shoot: me, then?

MAL: I dunno. (thinks on this): Why didn't you shoot me? Back there,: when I took my eyes off you for a: split? Shame to say it, but I gave: you the window.

SAFFRON (condescending sigh): You and Monty, you fought in the war: together, right? (he nods): I could smell that. The war buddy: bond is a tough one to crack. I knew: if I shot you I'd lose Monty anyway.: You just had a better hand of cards: this time.

MAL: It ain't a hand of cards. It's called: a life. I've got a better life than: you. And that's just barely, and just: cause I don't spend my every waking: hour pissing all over it, like some: folks I'm holdin' a gun on...

Saffron flashes a tight, insincere smile.

SAFFRON: Touché, mon amour. (as she stands): Seriously, Mal. You have to give me: a ride.

MAL (bitter laugh): Woman, you are completely off your: nut.

SAFFRON: I won't make trouble. You can stick: me in one of those crates if you: like. Just don't leave me he-

Mal SHOOTS. A bullet kicks up the dust about three feet from her. A beat. She sticks out her tongue. ANOTHER BULLET kicks up dust, two feet away. Another beat. She bends, lifting one strap of her heavy bag. She starts dragging it off, struggling. Then she stops and turns again.

SAFFRON (cont'd): This was all your fault, you know. I: had a perfect crime lined up.

MAL: Sure. You were stealing a man's beard.

SAFFRON: No you ! [HOE-tze duh: PEE-goo!] A million-square job. The: big time. I was going to cut Monty: and his crew in, but you screwed that: royal.

MAL (raises gun again): Odd, but I don't think I'll be losing: sleep over it.

SAFFRON: I've got the layout, entrance codes,: believe me, this thing practically: robs itself.

MAL: Bye now.

SAFFRON: I'm handing you a fortune on a gold: platter, sweetheart! Don't you even: want to hear the details?

Mal considers that for a beat, then looks at the kerchief, BLOODIED from his nose. He raises the gun again.


JAYNE stands by the cargo bay door, pulling on leather work gloves. Behind him, BOOK, SIMON, KAYLEE, and ZOE stand at the ready

JAYNE: Sure you're up to liftin' this stuff? Crates are fair heavy, I gather.

The engines are HUMMING, and the bay ROCKS a bit as Serenity sets down. Kaylee nods, enthusiastic.

KAYLEE: I can handle it.

JAYNE: Wasn't talkin' to you.

Jayne smiles at Simon, who mocks a pained expression. Jayne hits a button -- the airlock opens, and the ramp beyond it starts to lower.

The lowering ramp reveals Mal, standing in front of the pile of crates, alone. He doesn't look too happy. He has a wadded up TWIST OF TORN KERCHIEF in each nostril, to stem the blood.

JAYNE (cont'd): Woah there, cap... Tell me you didn't: get into a fight with Monty.

KAYLEE: Really? But I thought we loved Monty! (to Zoe, sincere: question): Don't we love Monty?

ZOE: Sweetie, if he had a tussle with that: sasquatch, we'd be in the dirt right: about now, scoopin' up the Captain's: teeth.

Mal stomps up the ramp, holding them all in an even glare.

ZOE (cont'd): Ain't that so, sir?

MAL: You know what? I don't particular: want to talk about it. Now we got: work. Let's shut up and do it.

Zoe looks from the Captain to the others, then back, eyebrows raised. WASH comes down the cargo bay stairs closest to the bridge, stops by Mal

WASH: Inara was asking for you. Wanted to -

Mal walks away.

WASH (cont'd): So later with the talking then.

Wash walks down toward camera, mouthing words to Zoe and Book, who carry one of the crates up the ramp.

WASH (cont'd) (mouthed silently): 'What happened?'


Just a stock shot of Serenity for transition please.


Mal enters INARA's chamber -

MAL: Heard you were looking for me?

- to find her seated, preparing tea. Her whole attitude is formal, yet inviting...

INARA: I was. Care to sit?

He does, slowly.

INARA (cont'd): I was hoping to talk a little: business. Would you like some tea?

He stands again, less slowly.

MAL: Okay, what's the game?

INARA: I offered you tea.

MAL: After inviting me into your shuttle: of your own free will, which makes: two events without precedent and: which makes me more'n a little: skittish.

INARA: Honestly, Mal, if we can't be: civilized and talk like-

MAL: I'm plenty civilized. You're using: wiles on me.

INARA: I'm using what?

MAL: Your feminine wiles. Your companion: training, your some-might-say uncanny: ability to make a man sweaty and/or: compliant, of which I have had just: about enough today.

INARA: Maybe this isn't the best time.

MAL: It's a fine time. Just talk plain: is all.

INARA: I'm not sleeping with you, Mal.


MAL: Uh, no, I think I would have noticed: if you were. My keenly trained...: senses would have...

INARA: You're not my lover. Neither are you: my mother, My House Mistress or: anyone who has the slightest say in: how I conduct my affairs.

MAL: Well enough. So?

INARA: So let me conduct my affairs!

MAL: Who's keeping you from -

INARA: I haven't had a client in three: weeks. Backwater moons, slums: frontier planets without so much as: a temple built -

MAL: We go where the work is!

INARA: There's all kinds of work, Mal

MAL: And ours is the kind the Alliance: shuts you down for. I opt to stay: off the radar -

INARA: There's plenty of worlds where both: of us could work. We used to visit: them, remember?

MAL: [EE-chee: shung-hoo-shee.] Are you saying I'm: doing this deliberate on account of: you? There's some reason I don't: want you on the job?

INARA: Is there?

MAL (sighing, pacing): Well this is one of the crazier: things I've heard today and when I: tell you about the rest of my day,: you'll appreciate --

INARA: Mal, I'm not accusing you of: anything, it's just--

MAL: Hey, no, we'll just set course for Planet: of the Lonely Rich and Appropriately: Hygienic Man. I'll just tell Wash,: we can park there for a month.

INARA (rises as well): Not all of your work is illegal. And: the--

MAL: What, you're trying to get me off the: job now?

INARA: -- And the best job you ever pulled: was on a central planet!

MAL: How about I stay out of your whoring -

INARA: That didn't take long -

They're right in each other's faces now, goin' at it.

MAL: And you stay out of my thieving. I: know my business plenty well, thank: you.

INARA: Right. You're a criminal mastermind.: What was the last cargo we snuck past: the Alliance to transport?

MAL: We made a perfectly good piece-

INARA: What was the cargo?

MAL: They were dolls!

INARA: They were little geisha dolls with: big heads that wobbled!

MAL: People love those!

INARA: And what exactly was our net profit: on the famous wobbly-headed doll: caper?

MAL: "Our" cut? You're in the gang now?

INARA: Well, since I can't seem to find work: as companion, I might as well become: a petty thief like you!

Beat. Oops. The air goes out of both of them.

MAL: Petty.

INARA (backtracking): I didn't mean petty.

MAL: What did you mean?

INARA (meekly): [Suo-SHEE?]

MAL: That's chinese for petty.

INARA: No, that's a narrow... there's: nuances of meaning that...

MAL: Maybe you shoulda stuck with your: wiles.

INARA: Don't put this all on me, Mal. You: know you haven't been after serious: work in a -

MAL: Serious work? You wanna know what: I -

He stops himself.

INARA: What?

MAL: Nothing.


Mal, alone, descends the stairs into the cargo bay. He goes to the crates, scanning over them for a moment, finding one that has TWO BULLET HOLES in its lid. He pries it open, pulls the lid away and looks in.

MAL: All right. Tell me more about this: job a' yours.


Where, frowning with discomfort, wedged kinda sexily into a shipment of PROTEIN PACKETS, lies Our Mrs. Reynolds...



Act Two


Jayne, Zoe, Wash and Kaylee are all gathered at the dining room table. Presently they're staring a bit open-mouthed at -- MAL AND SAFFRON standing variously before them as Saffron makes her pitch.

SAFFRON: The mark's name is Durran Haymer.: Maybe one of the biggest collectors: of Earth-That-Was artifacts in the: 'verse. Guy's got warehouses full of: stuff. But his prize piece is: sitting in his parlor -- an antiquity: of unspeakable value: The Mexican.: The original hand-held laser pistol.: One of only two known to still exist.: The forerunner of all modern laser: technology. Haymer got lucky, picked: it up during the war for nothing.

MAL: But it wasn't just luck. (then): Tell them.

SAFFRON: Haymer's Alliance. Bio-weapons: expert during the war. He'd target: neighborhoods with valuables, wipe: out every living soul without ever: damaging the goods. Go in, take: whatever he wanted.

MAL: He's living fat on a private estate: on Bellerophon.

Saffron tosses some future computer disks onto the table.

SAFFRON: I managed to get ahold of his: schedule for the next 18 months --: the layout of the estate grounds...: and every security code for the: place.

No one moves to touch them

MAL: Saffron's got a notion we can just: walk in -- take The Mexican right off: his shelf.

More with the staring. Finally Wash speaks.

WASH I'm confused...

SAFFRON (ahead of him): You're asking yourself if I've got: the security codes, why don't I just: go in and grab it for myself -- why: cut you in?

WASH: No. Actually... I was wondering... (to Mal, suddenly): What's she doing on the ship!? Didn't she try to kill us?

SAFFRON (rolls her eyes): Please. Nobody died last time. (suddenly unsure): Right? Where's the old guy with the: hair?

WASH: We're in space. How'd she get here?

MAL: She hitched.

WASH: I don't recall pulling over...

MAL: Look. Point is, there's more'n one: of us here wouldn't mind sticking it: to a < monkey raping > [Chiang-BAO HOE-: tze duh] Alliance bastard. Besides: that, this could be a very lucrative: venture for all of us. This ain't no: wobbly-headed doll caper. This: here's history.

Jayne's been thinking very hard. Raises his hand

JAYNE: Okay. I got a question. If she's: got the security codes, why don't she: just go in a grab it for herself --: why cut us in?

A beat as they stare. Then:

SAFFRON: Good point. Getting through the door: and putting our hands on the Mexican: is easy. Getting out with it...: that's the tricky part.

MAL: It's tagged and coded. Second it: passes through the door -- alarms,: security, feds.

SAFFRON: This isn't a one-woman operation. To: do this right, I need...

INARA (O.S): Idiots.

They turn. Inara has entered the room.

SAFFRON: Partners.

INARA: Dupes. And that's what you'll all be: if you trust her.

MAL: Could be that's so. Lord knows ain't: none of us "criminal masterminds.": So if you got something better,: Inara -- something not "petty" --: we'd sure be willing to hear it.

A beat as Inara and Mal hold the look between them. Saffron doesn't hate the tension that's evident here. Finally:

INARA (turns and goes): < Idiots. All of you. > [Nee mun DOH: shr sagwa.]

MAL (looks back to gang): Okay. So the question remains -- how: do we get the artifact out without: setting off the alarms?

KAYLEE: You don't. Not through the door,: anyway. (reaches for the disk): This the layout?

SAFFRON: Full blueprints of the entire: grounds.

KAYLEE: Could be we look hard enough, we find: a way.

Mal smiles, that's what he likes to hear.

MAL: You dig into that, little Kaylee. (looks to Zoe): Zoe. You ain't said a word. Time to: weigh in.

ZOE: Take sounds ripe enough. That's: assuming we can fence it.

SAFFRON: I know a guy on Persephone. He's: already got half a dozen buyers on: the bid. The split is gonna be sweet.

ZOE: But Inara's not wrong -- (eyes on Saffron): -- she can't be trusted.

MAL: I ain't asking you to trust her.: I'll be with her on the inside the: whole time.

SAFFRON: See there? Only one thing you gotta: do if you want to be a rich woman,: hon -- and that's get over it.

ZOE: Mmmm. Okay.

POW -- Zoe hauls off and slugs Saffron in the mouth. She goes down on her tush. Everyone's a little astonished.

ZOE (cont'd): You, too. Hon. (then, to Mal): I'm in.

Off nobody offering to help Saffron up --


Jayne is dumping off a bunch of food and water packets, talking to Simon and River.

JAYNE: Captain says you're to stay put.: Doesn't want you runnin' afoul of his: blushin' psychotic bride. She: figures out who you are, she'll turn: you in 'fore you can... say... "don't: turn me in, lady".

SIMON: The bounty on us just keeps getting: more exciting.

JAYNE (busying himself): Well, I wouldn't know.

RIVER (looking at Jayne): She's a liar.

JAYNE: That don't exactly set her apart from: the rest of us. And the plunder: sounds fun enough.

RIVER: She's a liar and no good will come of: her.

JAYNE: Well, I say as a rule that girlfolk: ain't to be trusted.

RIVER: Jayne is a girl's name.

JAYNE: Well Jayne ain't a girl. (to Simon): She starts on that "girl's name": thing, I'm a show her good an' all I: got man parts.

SIMON: I'm trying to think of a way for you: to be cruder. It's just not coming.

JAYNE: I just heard enough ab --

SIMON (wearily dismissive): < Go far away very fast. > [KWAI chur: hun-rien duh di fahng.]

JAYNE: And I WAS gonna leave you a deck of: cards...

He goes, shutting the door behind him.

SIMON: Great. Another exciting adventure in: sitting.

RIVER: Afraid.

SIMON: We'll be okay. Why the captain is: trusting that < remorseless harridan > [BOO: hway-HUN duh PUO-foo] is: beyond --

RIVER: Not her. Jayne.

SIMON (amused): Afraid? Since when?

RIVER: Since Ariel.

Simon is no longer amused.

RIVER (cont'd): Afraid we'll know.


Zoe is headed up the catwalks from the cargo bay, Inara comes down the stairs leading from the bridge, heading to her shuttle.

ZOE: We should be on Bellerophon by oh-: six. I figure the job should be-

INARA: Please. I really don't wanna know.

ZOE: At least it's your kind of world. You: got appointments made?

INARA: The minute we hit atmo, I'm gone.: I've booked a few choice clients, : should help me get my mind off Mal's: descent into lunacy -

ZOE (curious): What happens if you got an: appointment coming and you ain't: finished the one you're at?

INARA: Overbooking is a cardinal sin.: Clients must feel the experience is: timeless. Only thing worse is a: badly faked fall.

ZOE: See, that's where me and: Companionship part ways. I never: could work the notion of pretending: a man was gettin' it done when he: wasn't.

INARA: So you've never pretended to fall.

ZOE: Well, never is a strong word...: sometimes it's easier.

INARA: What about with Wash?

ZOE: One time. Poor boy was bone-tired...


ZOE: He knew. Son of a bitch called me on: it.

INARA: That's the one you marry.

ZOE: Damn right.

Zoe starts to leave.

INARA: Zoe. Don't let Mal trust her.

ZOE: Thought you didn't care about the job.

INARA: I really don't. I just want there to: be someone around to pick me up when: I'm done.

ZOE: < Don't worry. > [FAHNG-sheen.] I got: his back. Captain starts thinking: with his < dangly piece of flesh > [JAN-: doh duh ee-KWAI-ro], I'll step in.

INARA: The man's a moron. Everything: Saffron is, is a lie. She'll get the: drop on him - which as far as I'm: concerned is what he richly deserves.

ZOE: Ain't sayin' it ain't risky. Don't: count Mal out, though. He just knows: the estate is -

Inara holds up her hands.

INARA: No details. I meant that. Just: be careful.

ZOE: See you when we're wealthy...

They split up, Zoe heading up toward the bridge, Inara going into her shuttle

ANGLE: SAFFRON - has been eavesdropping from above, near the second shuttle. Mal steps out-

MAL: You give me a hand in here. No: wandering about, remember? Or I'll: stick you back in your crate.

WASH (V.O) (from the COM): Cap'n?

Mal keeps his eye on Saffron as he hits a nearby button.

MAL: Yeah?

WASH (V.O): We think we got something...


Mal, Zoe, Jayne, Wash, Kaylee and Saffron are gathered around the table. Kaylee has the portable display (seen in "Ariel" with the estate schematics. It gets passed around as she and Wash speak:

WASH: Bellerophon Estates... Home to the: rich and paranoid... gracious: living... ocean views...


Ocean as far as the eye can see. Floating about the blue expanse are enormous manors -- estates hovering a mile above the water, complete with greenery, landscaping, etc.

WASH (V.O.): ... and state-of-the-art security,: including local patrols, and multi-: code-keys needed at all entrances and: exits...


SAFFRON: Which we have --

WASH: Right. You and Mal will split off in: Shuttle II as we make our approach...


SERENITY zooms into the shot (continuing CGI shot from before.) Shuttle II splits off from Serenity, veering slightly up. CAMERA STAYS WITH SHUTTLE II as it approaches the floating estate, other flying vehicles coming and going.

WASH: There's a landing port just south of: the main house.


Mal at the helm.

MAL: Prepped for landing. You ready?

Saffron appears from the back, two ENORMOUS FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS in her arms.



The well manicured grounds. SHUTTLE II lands in the distance. CAMERA PANS to find various DOMESTICS bustling about who carry covered trays, carts loaded with fine China, a BARTENDER setting up an outdoor bar, etc.

WASH (V.O.): Haymer's throwing a big party this: weekend, so you should have no: trouble blending with the hired help: who'll be there setting up.

CAMERA FINDS Mal and Saffron carrying the flower arrangements, now moving through all of this.

WASH (cont'd; V.O.): All you gotta do is get through the: back door.


Mal and Saffron arrive at the back door. Saffron pulls out a punch-pad and small round "enabler." Attaches the small cylinder to the door, taps in her code, the cylinder LIGHTS --

MAL (V.O.): Shouldn't be a problem, unless: someone's been less than truthful --

The DOOR CLICKS open, Saffron looks to Mal, smiles...


Saffron's looking to Mal, here, too.

KAYLEE: The parlor with The Mexican's on the: ninth floor. You'll have to disable: the display. Won't be any trouble.: 'course, once you got your hands on: the goods, you can't take it out the: front door, nor the back door, nor: any door. Every piece of pretty is: tagged for the scanners.

SAFFRON: Right. So what do we do?

KAYLEE (to Wash): You wanna tell them?

WASH (waves it to her): It was your genius idea.

KAYLEE (proud): You chuck it in the garbage.




Mal and Saffron exit further into the estate. WE STAY WITH the Housekeeper who moves to a chute opening. She dumps the bag down, then moves to a panel on the opposite wall.

KAYLEE (V.O.): You hit one little button, and the: drone whooshes off with the trash.

The Housekeeper touches the panel. Words appear ONSCREEN: "READY FOR DISPOSAL. YES. NO." She touches "yes."


SAFFRON (not really): Brilliant.

KAYLEE: Thanks.

SAFFRON: Oh, except it's idiotic. Those: drones take the disposal bins: straight to reclamation. Thirty: seconds after we hit the button, the: booty'll get incinerated.

KAYLEE: Not if we reprogram the bin. Give it: new coordinates.


Underneath the floating estate, a futuristic dumpster (lined with computer panels) is latched onto the body of the estate. We hear the low THUD of the bag landing inside.

KAYLEE (V.O.): Once I override the standard guidance: protocol, I can tell the disposal bin: to go wherever we want.

A flying GARBAGE DRONE GLIDES INTO FRAME, flies towards the dumpster, and its forklift-like claws clamp onto the dumpster with a loud METALLIC KLANG

The dumpster shudders with the impact, then detaches from the structure and the drone whisks it away. Another dumpster drops into place where the other one was.


SAFFRON: And where would that be?

WASH: The loneliest piece of desert we can: find. Here. Isis Canyon. Drone: dumps the bin, we claim the goods: when we're all together again.

SAFFRON: How do you plan on getting to the bin: to reprogram it?

KAYLEE: You get to the loot -- we'll get to: the bin.




WIDE - CGI. Serenity RISES INTO FRAME, hovering steadily a few feet below the dumpster. Bright sunlight and wind whipping up here.

CLOSER -- THE HATCH opens and Jayne emerges. He's wearing goggles, his thrilling heroics hat and a harness with cable (which dangles at the moment.)

He pulls himself out of the hatch and crawls carefully up the hull and attaches the safety latch of his cable to a rung on the ship.

Now from the hatch Kaylee emerges, also wearing goggles and protection from the wind and cold. She hands up the end of her safety harness to Jayne. He clips it. She hands him out a tool kit. He takes it, then helps her up onto the top of the ship. She crawls toward him on her belly. They're under the bin, now.

He makes her lie flat, one arm over her protecting her as he pulls out his com, speaks into it, telling over the ROARING WIND --

JAYNE: Okay! We're planted!


JAYNE (V.O., FILTERED): Take us up --

Wash white knuckling it. Zoe at his shoulder. He pulls back on the controls as...


Jayne and Kaylee still lying flat. Serenity rises up. Jayne and Kaylee look up as the bottom of the estate looms closer.

JAYNE (into com): That's good! Hold 'er there.

Kaylee, still face down, pops open her mobile tool kit, hands an electric (space age?) screwdriver to Jayne. Jayne gets to his feet with great care -- reaches up to the control panel side of the trash bin. It's all very precarious now as he sets to work on the panel, removing the face of it....



Mal sneaks down a corridor, Saffron standing watch at the other end of the hall. She's keeping an eye on Mal -- specifically, on his ass. Mal turns to her --

MAL: Clear.

She trots down to him, looks at a Palm-like device which displays the house's blueprints.

MAL (cont'd): Which way?


They continue on.


Jayne pulls off the front panel of the control mechanism, sets about removing the innards, hands the motherboard down to Kaylee, who begins to work on it.


Mal and Saffron move down another corridor -- one that opens into a larger room. Saffron peeks at her Palm as Mal peers into the room, addresses him in a whisper --

SAFFRON: This should be it.

Mal holds up a finger. The sound of VOICES in the other room slowly drifts away. Then he nods and they walk into --


The ENTER into a room that defines opulence. Beautiful furnishings, expensive art on the walls. Memorabilia of Earth-That-Was fills the room. This room alone cost millions to decorate

MAL: < Holy testicle Tuesday. > [Shun-SHENG: duh gao-WAHN]

And on the mantel, in the proper place of honor: a Buck Rogers lookin' Laser Gun. It is to phasers what those huge old clunky cell phones were to modern ones.

Mal and Saffron set down their flower displays, move to it. She reaches out. He stays her hand. Holds up a small aerosol-looking can, sprays and a FORCE FIELD becomes visible for a moment. Mal reaches into his flowers, pulls out a mini- tool kit.

MAL (cont'd): Let's get to work...


Kaylee hands the jerry-rigged motherboard back to Jayne.

KAYLEE: Okay! She's set! (yelling over the roar of: wind): Careful! It's hot!

Jayne nods, starts to replace the innards. Serenity rises up a few inches, closing the distance between the bottom of the estate and Jayne's head.

JAYNE (sharply into com): Gorram it Wash! Hold it steady!


Wash and more with the white knuckles.

WASH: Sorry...

Wash eases off...


As Serenity dips ever so slightly, Jayne gets a bit more "head room." Continues to work. Kaylee reacts as she watches:

KAYLEE: Jayne! No! The dyna-ram's live!

He can't hear what she's saying over the ROAR. Glances at her, annoyed --

JAYNE: What?

KAYLEE (worried): Don't touch the dyna --

ZAP! A BLUE BOLT of energy jumps out of the bin control innards zapping Jayne and knocking him out. He falls and lands hard on the top of Serenity and starts sliding, out like a light. Kaylee instinctively grasps for the tether as Jayne's body slides and rolls, the tether taught. This all happens very fast and off Kaylee's SCREAM!


Mal uses a space-aged allen wrench as he digs into an open panel under the Mexican.

MAL: Where's the trash chute?

SAFFRON: We passed it in the vestibule.


SAFFRON (cont'd): Someone's coming...

Mal quickly shuts the panel, moves away just as -- DURRAN HAYMER, the master of the house, enters the room, freezing both Mal and Saffron. He looks from one to the other, in shock.

DURRAN (to Mal): You...

Mal waits.

DURRAN (cont'd): You found her...

He takes Saffron in his arms.

DURRAN (cont'd): Oh, God, you've brought back my wife!

Off Mal, in jaded awe



Act Three


Durran holds Saffron close to him... His face is away from Mal's, hers toward Mal. She looks vexed, though she hugs him back.

DURRAN: Oh, my dear...

Mal mimes hitting the guy. Saffron shakes her head slightly, no.

DURRAN (cont'd): Oh, my own sweet Yolanda...

Mal mouths 'Yolanda?', amused. Durran holds her at arms length.

DURRAN (cont'd): I thought I would never see you again.

He's fighting welling emotion. To Mal:

DURRAN: Forgive me... I don't mean to make a: show...

MAL: Please. I'm the one intruding.

DURRAN: Not at all. I owe you a great debt of thanks.

MAL: Just gave the lady a lift.

DURRAN: You did much more than that. You: returned to me the only thing I truly: treasure.

MAL: Well, then, this is a day I'll feel: good to be me.

DURRAN: Do I owe you any --

MAL: No. Trip weren't even out of our way.

SAFFRON: I promised him 800 square.

MAL: But, no, I never agreed to --

DURRAN: Please. I'd be embarrassed not to: make some recompense... In my study,: I... Are you hungry? You both look: so tired, there's food, or...: Yolanda, I'm babbling like a moon: brain...

SAFFRON: Hush. We'll both have plenty to say: by daybreak.

DURRAN: Six years...

SAFFRON: Is that all?

DURRAN: From the day we found your shuttle --

SAFFRON: They set on me at Parth, these awful: men...

MAL: That wasn't me, though. I don't know: those men...

SAFFRON: They said they wanted ransom, but: they... they sold me... to slavers...

MAL: Also unknown to me...

DURRAN (ashamed): At first I thought -- well, you: disappeared the same day as: Heinrich --

SAFFRON: Heinrich?

DURRAN: The security programmer. And he was: young, and I'd seen you two talking,: and I thought -- but after they found: his body...

MAL: They killed Heinrich. Guess he: wasn't useful anymore.

DURRAN (to Saffron): I never stopped looking.

SAFFRON: I knew you wouldn't. (tears and all): That's the thought that kept me alive.

They kiss passionately. Mal looks around, at his nails, at the wall...

SAFFRON (cont'd) (seductively): We have so much time to make-up...

MAL: Well, that's my cue to skedaddle...

DURRAN: Let me get your money. (to Saffron): You won't disappear again?


He goes. A beat, as her loving look hardens.

SAFFRON (cont'd): We gotta move fast.

As Mal returns to the dismantling of the force field with his sp-allen wrench...

MAL: Yeah, he might come back and hug us: in the act.


Zoe (who's wearing goggles and anti-wind-clothing) and Book struggle to lower the dead weight of an unconscious Jayne into the ship. Zoe is half up the ladder, using Jayne's tether to guide him down to Book. She wears a tether harness vest now.


ZOE: I'm comin', Kaylee-- (down to Book): Book -- You got him?

BOOK: I got him -- I got hi--

Zoe unhitches his tether line and Jayne's full weight topples toward Book. He staggers back, pinned against the wall of the corridor by Jayne's bulk.

BOOK (wheezes): Lord-- this boy weighs-- a solid ton--

He lowers Jayne to the floor. Simon appears, having been summoned. Zoe hitches the tether line to her vest.

ZOE: Doctor, you got yourself a patient to: see to.

Simon nods, face clouded with subtle darkness.

SIMON: Yes. I'll take care of it.

Simon moves to assist Book. Zoe hauls herself up out of the hatch.


As Mal continues his dismantling...

SAFFRON: You don't know him. He's everything I said he was.

MAL: Oh, he's a killer of men. Why I'll: bet he eats up babies.

SAFFRON: You're wasting time.

He's actually being very efficient while continuing.

MAL: But let's take a breath here,: Yolanda. You're sneaking into a: place you could walk into as welcome: as glad news. What's the math on: that?

SAFFRON: The math is you not adding up that: Durran Haymer would as soon cut your: throat as --

MAL: --You would?

SAFFRON: If possible.

MAL: No. That ain't it at all. You'da: knocked him on the brain, were that: the case. You don't want him knowing: the truth. Unlike all the -- I'm: gonna go with hundreds -- of men: you've married, you actually want: this one to think well of you after: you've gone.

A FLASH and WE SEE the FORCE FIELD appear then DISAPPEAR. Mal reaches in easily, grabs The Mexican.

MAL (cont'd): My god... Could it be that I've just: met your real husband?

She has backed up to her flower arrangement, whips out a small gun at him, furious.

SAFFRON: Congratulations, anything else you: want on your tombstone, you piece of: crap?

DURRAN: Now I'm intruding.

She puts the gun down, genuinely upset that Durran has busted her.

SAFFRON: Durran... This isn't what it looks: like...

MAL: Unless it looks like we're stealing: your priceless Mexican, 'cause that's: what we're doing. Don't ask me about: the gun, 'cause that's new.

As he says this, Mal has elegantly moved past Durran, dropped the Mexican into the trash cute just outside the door, hit the button.

DURRAN: Well. I appreciate your honesty.: Not, you know, a lot, but --

SAFFRON: Durran, you don't know what he's: forced me to --

DURRAN: Stop. Yolanda, please just stop.

There is a terrible sadness in his voice. And a frantic misery in hers:

SAFFRON: Durran... Don't look at me like: that.

A beat. She whips the gun at him.

SAFFRON (cont'd): I said don't look at me like that!

She might just shoot him as we GO TO:




Kaylee teeters on precarious tippy-toe, straining to plug a piece of HARDWARE into the top part of the control panel on the dumpster. Zoe steadies her, heels dug in, one hand gripping Kaylee's tether.

KAYLEE: Almost...done... Just have to plug: the interface strike-plate: back...in...

There's a CLACKING of machinery from the dumpster, and a BEACON LIGHT begins flashing.

ZOE: That's the pick-up call -- they must: have dropped the Star... How we doing?

Kaylee strains but can't quite reach.

KAYLEE (growls): Can't reach it --

Zoe looks to --

ZOE'S POV - of A (CGI) GARBAGE DRONE in the distance, taking a hard turn towards them, like a shark nosing toward its prey.

Zoe speaks into her com.

ZOE: Wash -- we need a little more: altitude -- now --

WASH (O.S.): Working on it, dear --

ZOE: Kaylee--

Kaylee fumbles with the plate as Serenity lurches up another foot or two.

ZOE (cont'd): KayleeKayleeKaylee--

Kaylee snaps the strike-plate into place.

KAYLEE: Got it!

Zoe pulls hard on Kaylee's tether --


as Kaylee is yanked hard down OUT OF FRAME, just as the drone SLAMS into place, right where Kaylee had been a micro-second before. It attaches to the dumpster with a DEAFENING BONG.


Lay prone on top of the ship, exchange a look. Start to scurry forward out of frame and we GO TO:


Wash pilots hard as Zoe's voice crackles in over the com.

ZOE (O.S.): We're in! Go! Go!


Copy that--

Wash pulls back on his controls.


Serenity drops away from the underbelly, peeling into a dive and sailing off, as the drone detaches the dumpster and flies off in the opposite direction.


Mal inching his way around from the door; Saffron staring down Durran, gun pointed at him...

MAL: Whoa, whoa, let's not get worked up: here --

SAFFRON: Are you really so naive? Do you: really think your life is anything to: me?

Mal is next to his flower arrangement -- whip quick he pulls his own gun from it, is drawn and pointed at her in a heartbeat.

MAL: Okay, we're not killing folk today,: on account of our very tight: schedule. So why don't you drop that: pistola, Yo-Saf-Bridge, and we'll be: about our -- (suddenly as fierce: as a cop): DROP IT NOW.

He comes at her as he shouts it, his whole attitude wrought with controlled fury, putting the gun to her head. She drops hers to the floor, knowing he means business, but never takes her eyes off Durran. They play everything to each other, even when talking to Mal. (Mal retrieves her gun, pockets it.)

SAFFRON: Did you think I was a princess? That: I would stay locked up here in the: tower? With you?

DURRAN: I hoped.

SAFFRON: You're a rutting fool.

MAL: Saffron, you wanna finish the damn: job? We're short on minutes here.: I'm sorry mister --

DURRAN: How long have you been with him?

MAL: Oh we're not together.

SAFFRON: He's my husband.

MAL: Well who in the damn galaxy isn't?

She starts working.

DURRAN: I feel so bad for you.

SAFFRON: Bad for me? I'm not the patsy: getting stole from. You had half a: brain you'da called the Feds the: minute you saw me.

DURRAN: Oh, I did.

They stop. He points to his ring. It's modern, with a stone like a button. That is a button.

DURRAN (cont'd): Emergency signal. For kidnappings: and the like. I love you, Yolanda,: but I couldn't think for a second you: were actually here for me.

The sound of approaching cops, etc.

DURRAN (cont'd): That would be them now.

A beat, as Mal and Saffron fume.



As a trio of POLICE CRUISER-SHIPS descend on the estate, sirens blaring, lights flashing.



Act Four


We hear the SIRENS and POLICE ANNOUNCING their arrival. Saffron sidles desperately up to Durran...

SAFFRON: Durran, peaches, just call them off.: Tell 'em it was a mistake.

DURRAN: You need help, Yolanda.

SAFFRON: I'll do whatever you want... you know: how I can make you feel...

DURRAN: Please. You're embarrassing yourself.

She punches him into unconsciousness.

SAFFRON: I'm embarrassing? Who's the dupe on: the floor?

She spits on him as Mal comes up, grabs her arm.

MAL: I hate to bring up our imminent: arrest during your crazy time, but we: gotta move.

He tugs at her and they take off.


COPS (armed with those SONIC RIFLES we saw in Ariel) at the doors, speaking into a COM.

POLICE SERGEANT: ... police. Responding to emergency: call code. Request entry, all: points.

A BEAT, then the doors BUZZ as the locks give. The cops race inside...


Mal and Saffron hoofing it out of here. A COP comes around the corner, heading right at them. The cop is more surprised than they are -- Mal takes him down with a few well- placed moves. Saffron reacts as --

TWO MORE COPS -- appear coming the other way. One of them is raising his SONIC RIFLE.

SAFFRON: [Wahg-ba: DAN duh biao-tze.]

Mal drags her along, over the fallen cop. They round the corner just as BOOM! From the Sonic Rifle.


They bolt down the glass corridor, the way they came in. Cops appear, coming after them. They push through the door, end up --


Saffron beelines for the security panel, hooks her device onto it, starts working. Mal braces himself against the door.

MAL: What are you doing?

SAFFRON: Shut up and stand back.

Mal backs away from the door just as her enabler BEEPS.


A cop reaches for the door -- but it pulls AWAY FROM him. We hear a KA-CHUNK as the door locks.


SAFFRON: Let's go!

She runs off. Mal regards the door and the POUNDING from the trapped cops for a tiny beat.

MAL (impressed): Good security.

He turns to join her as --

SAFFRON (O.S.): Mal!

TWO MORE COPS, armed with sonic rifles, coming at them. Saffron is already spinning and kicking at the first one. Mal takes on the second one, hand-to-fist-to-face.

SAFFRON (calls to Mal, as she: fights): Can I have my gun back now, please?

MAL: No!

He lays out the cop he's fighting. Then reaches down and grabs the fallen sonic rifle. Spins on Saffron and the cop she's still engaged with:

MAL (cont'd): Move!

She dives out of the way as Mal fires a (CGI) SONIC BLAST. Second cop is down for the count. Mal tosses the sonic rifle aside. Saffron goes to grab it. Mal grabs her, yanks her from it.

MAL (cont'd): Nope. Let's go.

And they do.


One of the cops is trying to work the security code pad. No luck. The Sergeant calls into his COM.

POLICE SERGEANT: Subjects have exited the residence: and are on the grounds. Does anyone: have visual?

Off the Sergeant's frustration --


Shuttle II flys away, unpursued.


Mal pushes buttons, engages autopilot (either burned in graphics or a voice saying as much), and heads to the back as he straps on his holster, back to normal.

Saffron sits on a crate, facing away from him, sullenly ignoring the welling in her eyes.

MAL: That must've been tough.

SAFFRON: Yeah, have yourself a great guffaw.

MAL: I mean it. Six years, you knew he: was holding such treasures, you: didn't move on him. I gotta figure: that's a job you told yourself you'd: never take. Till times got hard: enough, and the one line you hadn't: crossed...

SAFFRON (turning, fierce): My name's not Yolanda.

MAL: Never entered my mind that it was.

She looks away again. Her tone at first is worldly, bitter -- but there is clearly more underneath.

SAFFRON: I tried. I actually tried. I: thought, "this is a decent man. The: genuine article."

MAL: A working man, struggling to get by: with the barest necessities on his: private floating island...

SAFFRON: Yeah, he had money. I thought it: would help. That if I had: everything... I wouldn't want...

MAL: Heinrich the Security Programmer?

SAFFRON: You know, I'd forgotten his name.

MAL: Addressing the itch of curiousness,: you marry him too?

SAFFRON: No. I didn't kill him either.

MAL: I don't reckon you've killed many.: Just put 'em in a position to die: easy.

SAFFRON: I should've killed Durran.

MAL: Right. The one guy that don't have: it coming. The man who knows you and: still loves you, treachery and all.: Can't have him walking about.

She does start crying now, balled up, not making any move toward Mal.

SAFFRON: You must be loving this.

MAL: Little bit. I seen you without your: clothes on before. Never thought I'd: see you naked.

She looks up at him with genuine pleading in her eyes.

SAFFRON: Can people ever change?

MAL: Depends on the person. I'm guessing: the pain of this fades away, you'll: just go back to being what you are.

SAFFRON (small voice): What is that?

He squats before her, takes her chin in his hand.

MAL (not unkindly): A brilliant, beautiful, evil double: crossing snake. Cheer up, weepy:: you've earned yourself a boatload of: hard cash today. You can question: the meaning of life on a floaty: island of your own for a while.

SAFFRON: You won't tell anyone about me: breaking down?

MAL: I won't.

SAFFRON: Then I won't tell anyone how easily: I got your gun out of your holster.

He looks down.

MAL: I take that as a kindness.

They rise, her with the gun pointed at his belly.

SAFFRON: You just may be the most gullible: fool I have ever marked. And that: makes you special.

MAL: You can riddle me with holes,: Yolanda. Won't make what I just saw: anything but truth.

SAFFRON (almost convincing): I played you. From minute one.

MAL: You got me at barrel's end, who am I: to argue. What's your move?

SAFFRON: We'll be settling down in the desert.: Leave you to set a spell. Oh, and: speaking of naked...

MAL: No, now that's just low. SAFFRON: Kinda evens things out, don't you: think? Pants.

She cocks the hammer, he starts undoing his trousers.

MAL: Don't really see the benefit in all: this. However I slip, you're not: gonna catch my crew with their : trousers down.


Wash at the controls. Zoe and Kaylee enter.

ZOE: We still clear?

WASH: Nobody's following.

ZOE: Good. Time to turn around. Bin'll: be dumped by now. Let's get there: before anyone else does.

Wash nods. Pulls on the ship controls. Frowns.

WASH: Can't.

ZOE: What?

WASH: Can't... turn. (still trying): Not getting any tug from the aft: alternator --

KAYLEE: What? That don't make no: sense... (realizing): Unless...

She turns and runs out, toward the --


Kaylee goes right for the engine, Zoe and Wash following. She only has to look for a second before knowing what's up --

KAYLEE: Yep. < whores in hell! > [Tah-shr SUO-yo DEE-: yure duh biao-tze duh MAH!] The: filament in the grav-dampener's: stripped.

WASH: Now, who could've possibly done that?

KAYLEE: I can fix it, but she must've put a: timer on the motivator and wetwired: the dampener with--

ZOE: What does that mean, Kaylee?

KAYLEE: We ain't gonna make the rendezvous.: We have to land. Now.

Off their reactions, PRELAP --

MAL (O.S.): That dirty dirty whore...



MAL's FACE staring up into the sky as CAMERA CRANES UP, the engines of the departing (yet unseen) shuttle whipping wind and dust around Mal.

As CAMERA CONTINUE TO PULL BACK, we see that Mal is very much naked. And standing in the wasteland where we first saw him in the opening. Mal stares at his bare feet and shakes his head as if to say "shoulda seen it coming."



A different wasteland-y part of the moon. The disposal bin sits near Shuttle II, its lid open. From inside the bin, we hear --

SAFFRON (O.S.): Blaerghchh!

Garbage comes flying out of the bin.


-- is Saffron, digging through the trash, rummaging through moldy fruit, eggshells, and assorted sticky, wet rubbish. Her hair is matted -- basically, she's covered in shit and doesn't look happy about it.

SAFFRON: Where the hell is it...

She keeps digging. Diggy, diggy, diggy -- then she stops, throws her hands up in defeat.

SAFFRON (cont'd): It's not here.

INARA (O.S.): Looking for this?

She looks up to see Inara perched on the wall of some nearby ruins, beautiful as always, in her veil and bare midriff ensemble. She points The Mexican.

INARA: Wonder if it works?

Pulls the trigger. Nothing.

INARA (cont'd): Ah-well. Still worth a fortune. (as she raises a: lugar): Anyway, this one works fine. (then): Honey, you look horrific.

SAFFRON: What are you doing here?

INARA: Oh. Just my part of the job.

SAFFRON: What part of the job?

INARA (matter of fact): You know, I put on this big act and: storm away in a huff, then I fly off,: wait for you to doublecross Mal, beat: you to the rendezvous spot and grab: the loot before you can get to it. (beat): What, you didn't see it coming?

Saffron makes a move; Inara points her lugar.

INARA (cont'd): Uh-uh. (beat): You know, I'm a little disappointed. : Some of the crew's performances: weren't quite as nuanced as they: could have been. I thought they might: tip the fact that we were playing you: from the second Mal took you out of: that crate. (beat): Oh, well. Guess not.

As she's said this, she's set aside The Mexican and picked up a small REMOTE CONTROL. She aims it at the bin, presses a button -- and the lid SLAMS SHUT on Saffron.

SAFFRON: Wait a minute, wait, you can't -- (SLAM! the lid shuts): -- mmmf mmfff ni ffmm do hmf!

INARA: You're not going to die, you big: baby. The authorities will be here: in a few hours to dig you out.


Jayne fuzzily comes to, looks around. Simon is quietly notating some things, his back to Jayne.

JAYNE: Wah guwwunoh?

SIMON (not looking around): You got knocked out.

JAYNE: Dih we gedda payoff? Dih we make the: money?

SIMON: Can you move your arms and legs?

Jayne looks suddenly worried. Tries -- cannot move anything below his neck.

JAYNE: Dah nod movin'!

SIMON: Do you want to know why?

He turns to Jayne, eerie calm on his face.

SIMON (cont'd): Your spine. You hit it pretty hard: when you fell.

JAYNE (worried): 'pine?

SIMON: Yes. So I gave you something to: knock out your motor functions so you: wouldn't wrench it when you came to.: Should wear off in half an hour.: You'll just be bruised.

JAYNE: 'pine okay?

SIMON: How much did they offer you to sell: me and River on Ariel?

Jayne pauses. Now he's worried.

JAYNE: Das crazy talk.

SIMON: Then let's talk crazy. How much.

JAYNE (looking beyond : Simon. calls out): Is anybody there?

River leans in from the doorway looks at him calmly. It's not comforting.

JAYNE (cont'd) (Quieter): Anybody else?

SIMON: You're in a dangerous line of work,: Jayne. Odds are, you'll be under my: knife again. Often. So I want you : to understand one thing very clearly.: No matter what you do, or say, or: plot... no matter how you come down: on us I will never ever harm you.: You're on this table you're safe.: I'm your medic, and however little we: may like or trust each other, we're: on the same crew. Got the same: troubles, same enemies and more than: enough of both. Now we could circle: each other and growl, both sleep with: one eye open but that thought wearies: me. I don't care what you've done.: I don't know what you're planning on doing,: but I'm trusting you. I think: you should do the same, cause I don't: see this working any other way.

He exits. We hold wide on Jayne, thinking on what Simon has said, as River's head pops in the doorway at the other end of frame.

RIVER: Also, I can kill you with my brain.

She pops back out, leaving Jayne to contemplate even more.


ON MAL, who sits naked on a sheared-off stump of stone. He lifts his head, and utters the now familiar:

MAL: Yep... that went well.

REVERSE TO INCLUDE Inara, who has emerged from Serenity's open ramp and is now standing a few feet from Mal. The line is addressed to her.

INARA: You call this "going well"?

MAL: We got the loot, didn't we?

INARA: Yes, but --

MAL: Then I call it a win. What's the: problem?

He stands, starts casually walking back to Serenity with Inara, who does her best to not glance at his naughty bits.

INARA: Should I start with the part where: you're stranded in the middle of: nowhere, or the part where you have: no clothes?

MAL: All according to plan.

INARA: Really? I thought the plan was for: me to act as a failsafe in case: everything else went wrong. Like, for: instance, if Saffron disabled: Serenity and left you for dead.

MAL: Nonsense. You had a key role to play: in this. How sad would you have been: if you hadn't gotten to play it?

INARA: Heartbroken.

MAL: See? All according to plan.

They reach Serenity, where Zoe, Wash and Kaylee await. As Mal moves up the ramp --

MAL (cont'd): Wash, take us out of the world. Zoe,: contact Brennert and Ellison, see if: they're interested in fencing a: priceless artifact for us.

Zoe and Wash just stand there, staring at his nakedity. Yes I said nakedity.

MAL (cont'd): What?

Zoe and Wash mutter "nothing," "I'll get right to work," etc., as Kaylee smiles at Mal, not at all thrown.

KAYLEE: Good work, Cap'n

MAL: Thanks.

Kaylee goes off as Mal closes the ramp. As the ramp rises, Mal looks out at the wasteland with a certain fondness.

MAL (cont'd): Good day. Good day.

The ramp shuts and we --




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